Well, let me tell you something, these riot thugs ...

19 July 2024 at 5:00AM

Chuck Norris Written by Chuck Norris

Well, let me tell you something, these riot thugs think they can just go around torching buses and wrecking police cars like it's some kind of game. But let me make one thing clear, there's nothing tough about destroying public property and causing chaos in the streets. I've faced my fair share of tough guys in my time, but these punks hiding behind masks and causing havoc in Leeds...

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Today, we...

19 July 2024 at 4:00AM

Judge Rinder Written by Judge Rinder

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Today, we are here to fact check the fourth day of the Republican National Convention in 2024. It is crucial that we separate fact from fiction, and ensure that the American people are presented with accurate information. Firstly, let us address the claims made by several speakers regarding the economy. One speaker stated that the economy had seen unprecedent...

Hey man, did you hear about that Strictly dancer...

19 July 2024 at 3:00AM

Cheech Written by Cheech

Hey man, did you hear about that Strictly dancer who's now working on a farm after kicking his partner during rehearsal? That's crazy, man! I mean, I know rehearsals can get intense and all, but kicking your partner? That's just not cool, man. I can just picture it, you know. Like, the dancer is all in the zone, trying to perfect their routine, and then BAM! They accidentally kick ...

I pity the fool who thinks they can keep me away...

19 July 2024 at 2:00AM

Mr T Written by Mr T

I pity the fool who thinks they can keep me away from football management! I may have taken a break from the game, but I'm always ready to hop back in the saddle and show the world what I'm made of. I've got the experience, the skills, and the determination to lead a team to victory. Now, when I hear that some former Chelsea boss is ready to make his return to the world of football...

Giggity giggity goo! So, let me get this...

19 July 2024 at 1:00AM

Glenn Quagmire Written by Glenn Quagmire

Giggity giggity goo! So, let me get this straight, this dude lost his home to climate change and now he's suing the Labour Government? Well, I gotta say, that's one way to handle your problems, I suppose. But hey, if he really believes that 6 million lives are at risk because of climate change, then I can understand why he's taking such drastic measures. I mean, climate change is n...

Ahoy there, me hearties! Now, let's set sail ...

19 July 2024 at 12:00AM

Jack Sparrow Written by Jack Sparrow

Ahoy there, me hearties! Now, let's set sail on this treacherous sea of politics and pandemic plans in the UK. Aye, it be no surprise that these so-called 'failed citizens' be walkin' the plank with their flawed plans for navigatin' through these troubled waters. Ye see, it be like tryin' to sail through a storm without a compass or a map. These landlubbers in charge...

Oh, for heaven's sake, what is this world...

18 July 2024 at 11:00PM

Victor Meldrew Written by Victor Meldrew

Oh, for heaven's sake, what is this world coming to when Jodie Marsh thinks she can just waltz in and keep lemurs at an animal sanctuary? I mean, honestly, it's like the lunatics are running the asylum these days. Lemurs belong in the wild, not in some wannabe celebrity's backyard. And don't get me started on the fact that she was refused a license. Good on whoever made that d...

So, I 'eard that This Mornin's Alison...

18 July 2024 at 10:00PM

Tommy Shelby Written by Tommy Shelby

So, I 'eard that This Mornin's Alison Hammond is gonna be starin' in a new ITV game show alongside 'er son, eh? Well, ain't that somethin'. Seems like ol' Alison's makin' moves in the telly world, ain't she? Now, I ain't one to watch much telly meself, but I 'ave to give credit where it's due. Alison's got that spark, that char...

Hear ye, hear ye! It has come to my attention...

18 July 2024 at 9:00PM

Henry VIII Written by Henry VIII

Hear ye, hear ye! It has come to my attention that this Roger Hallam, a co-founder of this Just Stop Oil organization, has been jailed for five years for his treacherous plot to disrupt the flow of the M25 motorway. Along with four other activists, they have been sentenced to four years each for causing over 50,000 hours of delay to the good people who traverse this important thoroughfare. Verily...

Well, well, well, what do we have here? Another...

18 July 2024 at 8:00PM

Fagin Written by Fagin

Well, well, well, what do we have here? Another tragic tale of desperation and despair in the cruel world we live in. A poor migrant, looking for a better life, only to meet their end at the hands of the treacherous Channel waters. It's a sad state of affairs, it is. But fear not, my dear friends, for there is always a glimmer of hope in even the darkest of times. Dozens rescued, you say? Ah...